A shift in our Relationship
by ggfan78
Summary: A shift in Penelope and Derek's relationship. This is more a Penelope than a Derek and Penelope story. Be warned, no romance...well at least at this point...i borrowed chris and rita from silk stalkings, just for fun!
1. Drastic Changes

Penelope was in her pyjamas cocooned in her doona comfortably slouched on her couch, smoosched in perfect position as she watched 'The Holiday' for what seemed like the millionth time. She was coming down with a cold and feeling feverish and all she wanted to do was stay warm and not move. With all the movies lined up in her Media Centre and necessary supply of tissue, liquids, cold tablets, and food within easy reach there was no need to get up unless she needed the bathroom. She was just getting to one of her favourite parts when she heard a knock on the door. She closed her eyes and groaned and pretended not to hear, but whoever was on the other side was insistent.

"I am not getting up." She muttered determinedly to herself unmoving.  
"Come on P, I know you're in there I can hear whatever sappy movie it is you're watching, more than likely 'The Holiday', though I will never understand your fascination with that movie." Derek called out from the other side of the door  
"If you insist on bugging me, use your keys. I'm not moving." She called out in frustration knowing that he would keep knocking if she didn't. Derek chuckled as he opened the door and found a mountain of bedding on the couch, he could only assume that underneath it all was his best friend.  
"It's the couch that swallowed you whole." He teased  
"Hey P, are you okay?" Derek asked worriedly when she didn't have a retort. As he came closer he saw the tissues in a neat pile on the floor, along with the supplies on the table and Penelope's paled face. Derek rushed over and started to fuss, placing his hand on her forehead as she smacked it away  
"I'm fine. I have a cold that's all. I'm medicated and will be as good as new by tomorrow. Now are you here for a reason or did you just suddenly remember you had a best friend?" she asked tiredly.  
"Sorry P, it's just been crazy." He answered hanging his head.  
"I know, we work at the same office remember. As busy as work is, you know it's not work. Look I'm really tired. I just want to watch sappy movies till I fall asleep, which will be any second now if you'd let me. I understand that your schedule may have cleared for the evening, but you're going to have to find someone else to fill your free hour."

She wasn't quite sure if it was because she was feeling really bad, or the medication that made her so harsh, the look of guilt and hurt on his face made her feel bad but she didn't have quite enough energy to even attempt an apology that she knew she would have to manufacture.

Truth was, she hadn't seen him in months, out of the briefings at work, occasional lunch with the team. He'd stopped hanging out with them after work, and worse yet he had disappeared from her life. At first he would cancel plans, but after awhile they just stopped making them. Though Penelope in theory understood, her heart was having trouble catching up. Ignoring him she un-paused the movie and resumed watching as though he wasn't there.

Defeated Derek slid from the couch to the floor and faced the TV without saying a word. Penelope glanced at him briefly before burying her head back into her doona, with only leaving a small opening for her eyes to see the TV. Derek knew she had every right to be angry at him, that her points were valid, and that he had been an ass of a friend to her of late.

He met Danielle on the plane on the way to Chicago to visit his mother. Penelope was meant to go with him but had to stay back and work as the other team's tech analyst had become sick. Danielle was visiting was going to Chicago for work, she worked at an Ad agency, and while she was in Chicago they spent most of their time together. It was easy to see how smitten he was with Danielle. She was extremely beautiful, smart, and so separate from his world that it was a breath of fresh air he needed. As new relationships go, he and Danielle tried to spend as much time as they could together, which he knew his friend's didn't begrudge.

Everyone had met Danielle, with the exception of one person, Penelope. He had introduced Danielle to the rest of the team when Penelope was on a case with the other team. When she had found out, he knew that she was hurt but let it slide. Three months later he still had not introduced them. In fact Danielle knew very little of Penelope.

Derek fell asleep leaning against her couch as they watched the remaining of 'The Holiday'. When the movie had finished she had forced herself off the couch careful not to wake him as she rose and headed back into her room. Derek woke to her closing the door to her bedroom behind her. He noticed that she had left a blanket for him on the couch in case he got cold in the middle of the night, which had to mean something right? However the fact that she closed her bedroom, which she rarely ever did, especially when he was over was a clear indication that forgiveness wasn't in cards that night.

When Penelope awoke the next day, there was a steaming hot cup of tea on her bedside table, along with her box of tissues, vicks, medication and bottle of water. There was a note stuck on the bottle of water.

"I had to go. I'm sorry." Penelope ripped the note off her water and scrunched it up before throwing it across the room almost hitting Emily square in the face as she entered her bedroom.

"Hey, watch where you aim. You could take out an eye there." Emily teased trying to coax her friend out of her bad mood despite the fact that she completely understood the reasons behind it. Derek had called her early in the morning to tell her that Penelope was sick and if she could check on her as he had to go.

"You're already there. You can't wait an hour or two to for her wake up?" she asked quite fed up with his behavior.  
"Please Em, I don't want her to wake up alone and I can't stay. Please, for Pen."  
"You're damn right for Pen Derek Morgan, because I'm not doing this for you."  
"I know. I'm sorry."  
"I'm not the one you owe an apology to Derek."  
"I know that too Em."  
"Fine, will you be there by the time I get there or use my keys?"  
"I have to go in a few minutes. I'm just getting her stuff together for her so she doesn't have to leave her bedroom."  
"Whatever, I'll be there in half an hour."  
"Thanks Em."

"What are you doing here?" Pen asked suspiciously,  
"Nothing much, thought you might want to go out and do Brunch, but looking at you I'd say you're not really up for moving at all are you?" Em observed walking over to her friend placing her lips on her forehead before replacing it with her palm as she sat down  
"You achy all over?"  
"Yes and my nose won't stop running," Penelope grumbled frustrated, she hated being sick  
"And grouchy!" Em observed teasingly  
"Sorry, I just hate being stuck in this bed, and I'm frustrated and you happened to be in the line of fire."  
"Let me guess, your target slipped out of here this morning?"  
"He called you didn't he?" Penelope accused,  
"Yes, but I really was already coming over to drag you to brunch. What happened? Did you talk?" Penelope filled her in on the little there was to tell and by the look on Em's face she was far from impressed with Derek Morgan.  
"Get in line Em." Pen said with a smirk reading Em's expression.  
"You get first dibs, but I'll be right behind you."  
"Honestly, if I have to fight him to explain, then maybe we don't have the friendship I thought we did. If he can walk away as easily as he has for some girl, whom may I remind you, his supposed best friend has yet to meet, then maybe it's time to cut one's losses you know?" Penelope said sadly as she blew her nose.  
"Oh Pen, he loves you. He's just being stupid. Don't give up on him just yet."  
"I don't think there's very much to give up right now Em."

"How's she doing Em?" Derek asked the following day as he sat down at his desk.  
"Don't you even start with me Derek James Morgan." Em said evenly, no doubting where her loyalties were at that point. Derek hung his head,  
"I just want to make sure she's okay."  
"You should care enough to ask her yourself, but then again maybe she's right, maybe you just don't care anymore."  
"She said that?"  
"To think I talked her into thinking otherwise when you don't even check in after slipping out of her apartment like some random one night stand. You didn't even bother to call her or drop her a message to see how she was feeling. Who are you and what have you done with Derek Morgan who actually cared about his best friend, because there's a line of people who really miss him right now." Derek sunk into his chair unable to argue.  
"Derek, you know I love you to bits like a brother, and I'll always be there for you, push comes to shove, but Pen's my friend too and you've been treating her like crap and that's not like you. The Derek Morgan I know and love would not slip out of his best friend's apartment when she was sick. The Derek Morgan I knew would be standing vigil by her bed, forcibly shoving chicken soup down her throat till she was better. The Derek Morgan I thought I knew would never leave his best friend out in the cold because some girl walked into his life. I guess I just miss the Derek Morgan I know, because if he was here, I'd tell him that I want him back." Em sighed and rose from her chair leaving him with his thoughts.

"How are you feeling Penelope?" Hotch asked as they gathered around the briefing table.  
"Much better thanks Sir. I had nurse Prentiss take care of me all day yesterday." Hotch smirked,  
"Glad to hear you're feeling better but I don't want you to over do it. You feel a little off I want you to go home, you hear me?"  
"Yes sir." Penelope answered obediently. JJ presented the case before them as they threw in their thoughts. Penelope noted all the searches and cross referencing Hotch wanted her to do, and slipped out of the room when they were done. They were a close knit team, and family to an extent therefore the difference in Morgan and Garcia was evident to them all. Though the two remained professional at all times, it certainly was unnerving to hear the exchange between them without affection. They didn't have to be profilers to point out the source of their issues.

"Hey Pen, you're here late." Chris observed knocking on her door.  
"One can say the same to you my friend." She replied smiling. Chris was one of the Agents from the other team that she had covered for on more than one occasion. He was nerdy like her but less quirky, but not quite Reid geeky. He was ten years her senior and certainly looked out for her from the first moment they met. In the scheme of things, he was the Aaron Hotchner in his team. Penelope enjoyed their conversations immensely and had fun with him.  
"We haven't picked up a new case yet so we've been doing paperwork, and I wanted to finish mine before going home, hence I'm here so late, but I figure I'd take a stroll down here on a chance that you are still here, because you like live here and voila you are."  
"Yeah, my team's out on the field. They haven't checked in yet and they usually do when they finish for the night."  
"You up for pie?" he asked with a grin knowing her weakness.  
"Only if there's a burger and milkshake before it. I'm starved I've been here for days."  
"You're on. Now come on, I know you can forward your calls to your cell so you're not waiting here." Pen nodded and with a flick of a finger she was set to go. They headed to the diner near the Bureau, just in case she needed to head back to the office, that and it was one of their favourite places to go. Unsure of how it started but they had taken to calling each other by their middle names, or something that derived from it. Often she called him Bai, short for Bailey, while he called her Mags, short for Margaret. Penelope found that it was easier to talk to him about anything, than anyone else she's met before. She loved that about him. He challenged her to try things she would never even think about doing. He had encouraged her when she threw in the thought of buying her own place and renovating it even if she had no idea what renovating involved. He was a fountain of knowledge and Penelope loved to pick his brain and vice versa. Penelope was certainly one of a kind and he loved that about her. Nothing was ever too outrageous and seeing her excited about anything always brought him pleasure. She reminded him so much of his little sister, which was always bittersweet.

"Where'd you go?" Pen asked worriedly as he drifted briefly,  
"Somewhere far. You just remind me so much of my little sister when you talk. Your mannerisms and the way you talk."  
"I'm flattered. You sound like you love her a whole lot. Are you guys close?"  
"Yeah, she was awesome."  
"Was?" Penelope said softly. Chris nodded and sighed deeply before he began.  
"Our parents were told that after me, they could have no more children, so when Isabella was born, she was like the family miracle. She was this ball of loving energy. From the moment she was born, we were all smitten with her, and she had all of us wrapped around her little finger. She followed me everywhere and though it could have been annoying, it wasn't. She had this way of making someone feel as though they were her whole world. She had a heart the size of a planet. We were out on a camping trip with our parents. I was fifteen at the time and she just turned five. For her birthday she requested we go camping. She loved bonfires and trails and just had this amazing sense of adventure. One night after she begged and begged we snuck out of the camping grounds in search for ice cream. I know I should have known better, but she just looked at me with those big blue eyes, pigtails with lips pouting that I couldn't say no. We were walking through the woods and as always she was talking a million miles a minute, that kid could talk hey and out of no where a couple of guys grab us. One of them held me down while the other took her as she kicked and screamed for me and I couldn't get to her. I got knocked out cold, but before that all I could hear was her screaming for me, and I…" Penelope placed a hand over his and squeezed it.  
"Anyway, my Dad had heard the screaming and bolted to find us and found me out cold. When I finally came to, she was gone. The search went on for about a week, my Dad and I stayed at the campsite to help with the search. Then finally they found her pyjamas and it was covered in blood, there was a trail that led to the lake and that was that." Penelope wiped the tears that fell from her eyes with the back of her hands.  
"Bai, you know it wasn't your fault right?" she said as she held both his hands in hers.  
"Some days my mind can wrap itself around that concept, but most days no I can't help feel that it is."  
"Is that why,"  
"Why I'm in the Bureau?" he completed for her as she nodded,  
"Yeah, they never caught the guys who did it, so I guess the part of me that demands justice thinks that the more bad guys I catch, maybe one day without knowing it, I'll catch the monsters who did this to my sister you know? But it never feels better."  
"Oh Bai, I'm so sorry." Penelope said getting up from her side of the booth to join him on his. Chris draped an arm around her as she hugged him.  
"Thank you for sharing that with me, I know it would not have been easy."  
"Easier than I thought it would be."  
"Good, because you know I'm always here for you right?" Chris smiled,  
"Thanks Mags, I appreciate that. What to do think? Time for pie?"  
"Absolutely." She replied with a grin.

Her phone began to buzz, in her pocket. She looked down at her phone and saw that it was Morgan calling her, and she wasn't up for talking to him, especially at that moment. A few seconds later she saw Emily's name flashing and excused herself from conversation,

"Hey Em, you guys in for the night?'  
"Yep, just got in the SUV heading back to the hotel, where are you? That's some pretty funky music, even for your office." Em said recognizing the 50's music in the background.  
"You caught me. Chris here kidnapped me from my lair and we're having a very late dinner, and now very early dessert." She answered as she noticed the time.  
"Aww, you're having pie without me." Penelope laughed imagining the pout on Emily's face.  
"We'll go as soon as you come back okay. We'll get you some pie honey." Chris started laughing when he guessed that Em was indeed complaining that she was missing out on pie. They had all met Chris before, but have seen him around more often after Penelope had been loaned to their team. A lot of the time that he and Penelope hung out JJ, Em and Reid tagged along. Chris reached for the phone,  
"Promise Em, we'll take you and JJ the moment your plane lands."  
"I'm glad to hear it Agent Lorenzo. I'm just glad you got our favourite tech to actually leave her office long enough to actually get some nourishment, she tends to live in her lair when we're on a case."  
"Don't worry, now that I know her tricks I'll beat the habit out of her." Penelope's mouth dropped open as she whacked him on the arm,  
"Em, she just hit me."  
"Now kids behave, we won't be home for a couple of days and I trust you will keep each other alive long enough to get me some pie ok."  
"I want pie too." JJ said turning from the front seat of the SUV.  
"Tell JJ I heard and that she has my word that she will get pie."  
"I have Agent Lorenzo's word that you will get your pie." Emily assured JJ.  
"Well you kids have fun, and thanks for taking care of Pen."  
"All good. We'll see you soon. I'll let you say goodbye to Pen."  
"Hey honey. I'll see you when you get back. Movie night at mine,"  
"Sounds good. Talk to you tomorrow."

Derek who was listening to the whole conversation couldn't help but feel a little threatened, but then again he knew he dug his own grave.

"Do you think it was mean to have that conversation in front of Derek?" Em asked JJ as they got ready for bed, feeling a little remorseful.  
"No, because he needs to know that she is capable of having a life without him, that he isn't the only person who cares about her. I'm glad she has Chris, he's a great guy and he brings out the best in her. She's so relaxed when she's with him, there's no pretense, there's no walls, just Pen.  
"I know, I noticed that too. I genuinely like him."  
"Me too."

Before heading to bed Derek tried to call Pen again and found that she had turned off her phone which is something she rarely if ever did. Then again, they were done for the day, any emergencies could be sent via her pager which she always had with her. Sighing he got changed into his sweats and called Danielle, as he did every night before going to bed. Something he was acutely aware he did with Penelope before Danielle came along.

Penelope wasn't at the bullpen when the team arrived so the girls and Reid assumed that she was at her bunker and headed there only to return moments later confused that she was nowhere to be found. They had finally gotten used to not having her wait for them in the bullpen, it was unspoken that she would be in her bunker, but when she wasn't Reid's forehead creased with worry. Before he could voice his worry the elevator opened and they could hear her distinct laugh coming out of the elevator. Penelope emerged with Agent Chris Lorenzo and his partner Rita Lee Lance.

"You guys are back!" Penelope greeted happily. Walking over to JJ and Emily giving them a hug hello.  
"If you guys are done for the day we've come to take you out for pie as promised." Chris announced.  
"Awww, you remembered. Hey Rita how are you doing?" Em asked turning to Rita,  
"Can't complain. We've just had Chinese for dinner and we're on our way to get pie. Can't get any better than that right?" the rest of them laughed in agreement.  
"Hotch told me to go home hours ago so we grabbed Chinese while we waited. I was aiming to get back here before you but garbage guts here took too long."  
"Hey there are starving people in the world, I'm anti wasting food. Now are we going to stand here all night, or am I getting pie in this lifetime?"  
"Sure, whatever." Penelope muttered exchanging a knowing glance at Rita who chuckled.  
"Okay, Reid you have to come because I will not be surrounded by these women on my own. How about you Derek, would you like to join us?" Chris asked extending the invitation.  
"Ugh no thanks, I've already made plans." Derek didn't miss Penelope glance at Em with a 'Of course you do' look on her face, clearly past the point of hiding her reactions. Chris looked up at Hotch's office.  
"Yo Hotchner, you and Rossi coming?" Chris bellowed from where they stood in the empty office floor. Chris and Aaron were old college friends. Therefore they all knew that only he could get away with pulling such a stunt.  
"Lorenzo, how many times do I have to tell you to quit bellowing on my wing? You have your own wing in which you are able to behave like the monkey that you are as you see fit. Rita, seriously how does your team put up with this guy?" Hotch asked as he came down the stairs. Rita shrugged her shoulders in amusement as Chris grinned,  
"Now is Rossi coming or must I bellow once more?"  
"I'm coming, I'm coming. You're obnoxious, you know that Lorenzo?"  
"It's a part of my charm. Come peeps. Pie awaits, and after we hit the bar."

Derek watched as they piled into the elevator in constant chatter. They had all bid him farewell with the exception of one person who refused to return his gaze. He was well aware of the part he played in that, and he wasn't quite sure how to fix it.

After pie, as promised they all ended up at the Bar for drinks. It was yet again the weekend and they were ready to decompress. It had been a long week for all of them and it called for a little alcohol and a lot of dancing. Derek who had agreed to meet Danielle there with her colleagues for a celebratory drinks for their new account had been watching the door for his team to enter. He would have said he'd see them there but something told him if he had Penelope would bail on drinks on the account of him and he didn't want that. In truth he had been missing her a lot lately and he had become aware of how little time they had been spending together. Too little too late he knew, but somehow he was going to try and make it up to her.

As they entered the bar Penelope was the first one to see him, he watched as she threw Emily a somewhat panicked look. She wasn't expecting to see him again, she had said goodbye to him in her mind and she was ready for a good night out with friends, not be at a bar with supposed said best friend and the love of his life that she has never met. As though sensing her discomfort, without her ever telling him of their current situation Chris had draped an arm around Penelope's shoulder and kissed her temple,

"You my friend have shot with your name coming to you and then we are going to Boogie. Isn't that right Sam?" Chris said looking over at Rita.  
"Ooh yeah, we're gonna party like its 1999." Penelope laughed and felt her worries fade away. She was glad she had gotten to know Chris and Rita the last few months. She had such a blast with them. Emily at that point could have hugged Chris herself in appreciation. They grabbed their favorite table at the corner of the bar while the boys went to get their drinks. Penelope was engaged in an animated conversation with Rita, Em and JJ when Derek approached.  
"Hi Emily, JJ how are you?" Danielle greeted enthusiastically.  
"Hi I'm Danielle," she then said turning to Penelope and Rita,  
"Hi, I'm Penelope and this is Rita."  
"Nice to meet you, so how do you guys know Derek? I know these guys work with him." It was then it became clear to Em and JJ that Derek had never mentioned Penelope to his girlfriend and their eyes flared with anger.  
"Rita works at the BAU on the other team and I'm just the Bureau's tech analyst." She replied with a smile, hiding the hurt from the same realization that Em and JJ had come to. Rita who was a seasoned profiler filled in the blanks,  
"She's being modest, she may be our Tech Analyst but she's responsible for saving all our at asses at one time or another." Rita said giving Penelope's shoulder a quick nudge with hers. While JJ and Em were nodding in agreement, all the while Derek could feel the daggers they were sending his way behind the smiles. Pen appreciated the Sister Solidarity but it saddened her to see exactly how far apart she and Derek had become.  
"I'm just going to use the bathroom, Babe why don't you hang with your friends awhile. I know you're getting bored." Penelope loved the irony of it. She actually liked the girl before her. It was her supposed best friend that she was having difficulty in liking at that moment. Reid, Rossi, Hotch, and Lorenzo arrived just as Danielle went to the bathroom. Chris handed Penelope her promised shot, and with a clink of the glass Em, JJ, Penelope, Chris, and Rita took the shot. Chris pulled Penelope and Rita to their feet.  
"Ladies, let's boogie. Em, Jayje?" he asked pulling his hand up to both of them.  
"Let the shot kick in, we'll join you in a few minutes." Em answered for both her and JJ. Penelope shook her head as if to ask them not to what they were about to which was lay into Derek for what they had just realized. She knew they were about to defend her honour.  
"Actually Sam, why don't you and Pen go ahead, I might hang back with the girls." Rita said wanting to add her own two cents in. She may not have known Penelope as long as they have, but she cared about her deeply.  
"Girls, really. It doesn't matter. Let's go." She begged.  
"What doesn't matter Mags?" Chris asked,  
"Nothing, let's go." Penelope said counting her losses and dragged Chris to the dance floor throwing the girls one last pleading look to allow her to fight her own battles.

"I cannot believe you Derek Morgan. Your girlfriend knows nothing about Pen, who is your supposed best friend. I actually gave you the benefit of the doubt about not introducing her all this time but you did it on purpose. Wow, I so did not expect that." JJ said disappointedly.  
"You've done a lot of hurtful things the last few months Derek, but this one takes the cake. I don't know what's going on in that mind of yours but you blew it today." Em added.  
"I haven't known you all for very long, and Pen's only recently become my friend these last couple of months, but I care about her. The stunt you just pulled almost killed her, and that's sitting from the outside in. I don't know why you did it, and I would like to assume that it is for a good reason, because you don't seem the type to inflict that kind of pain on anyone, least of all someone you supposedly care about. The rule against inter profiling aside, you know as well as I do that Pen's not as tough as she seems, and she gets hurt probably more often the normal person, and when it hurts her, it stays with her. You made a choice Morgan, and I hope you're ready to live with the consequences of those actions, because she gave up on you today." Rita said slipping out of her chair to join Chris and Penelope on the dance floor. Despite how worried she was about what the girls could say to Derek, Chris totally took her mind of it. He was standing before her doing the craziest dance moves that had her in hysterics as she stood there watching him.  
"Sam, I love you, but you dance like Steve Urkel." Rita said affectionately as she joined them. Penelope glanced at Rita who threw a reassuring smile in her direction.  
"That wounds me Sam." Chris replied in a mock hurt voice as he clutched his chest. Penelope couldn't help think that once upon a time her friendship with Derek was once that uncomplicated.

"You've never mentioned Penelope to your girlfriend?" Rossi asked in disbelief.  
"It just never came up?" Derek said lamely. JJ and Em shook their heads in distinct disdain.  
"That's bull and you know it." JJ said standing to her feet. Em followed and gave him a look of utter disappointment.

JJ and Em joined Chris, Rita and Penelope on the dance floor, despite the little cloud that parked over their heads, they managed to have a great evening, mainly because Chris was such a ball of energy that they didn't get a chance to think of anything else but the fun they were having. When it was time to go Derek didn't even see the girls slip out with Chris and Rita. Em had somehow managed their little escape when Morgan was surrounded by Danielle's work crew. Everyone fully aware of the plan, with the exception of Chris who had no idea what had transpired between Penelope and Derek. Penelope knew that she couldn't avoid Derek forever, nor could she really be mad at him forever, but she just wasn't ready to talk to him just yet.

"Hey Reet, we're having a girl's night at Pen's. Sappy movies, girl talk, ice cream, pop corn, the whole works, and we usually sleep in, do brunch, and cause havoc at the mall, you up for it?" Em said extending the invitation. The three of them were pretty exclusive, but after Rita's speech, she was one of them, whether she wanted to be or not. Rita looked at Chris,  
"You mind Sam?" Rita asked seeing as she would be ditching their usual Friday night plans.  
"Of course not, you four have a blast. Like an old man I am going to bed." He said as kissed them all on the cheek.  
"You realize you don't have to walk us to our car, you're the one on your own." Penelope pointed out as he followed them to the car park. Chris grinned,  
"As if I'd let any of you walk anywhere alone, let along all four of you. In my hood we look after our own."  
"Chivalry isn't dead after all." JJ stated smiling.  
"Not while Sam is around." Rita agreed.

"Guys, I really appreciate what you did for me, I truly do. I love you all the more for it, but it ends here okay. I can fight my own battles and I will sort this thing out with Derek. He's been an ass, and I would be the first to say it, but I cannot begrudge him the first real relationship he has had the guts to stand by. Did it hurt, totally, but once upon a time that guy was my best friend, and I can't pretend he doesn't exist. I have forgiven a lot worse than what he has done. Things will never be the same again, but I don't need all of us to declare mutiny. He loves you guys as much as I do and need you in his life as much as I do. It was a bad call on his part, and I may never fully understand it, but I have to forgive it. Otherwise, we all suffer. Not just him, but me too. I can never hate him. We have been through far too much for me to even go down that road." Penelope said as they sat around in their pyjamas on her couch, pints of ice cream being passed around. JJ, Em and Rita exchanged a look before nodding in a reluctant agreement.  
"Okay, on the condition that if he continues to doing stupid things, permission to call him on it. I mean that is what friend's do right?"  
"As long as you're doing in the name of your friendship and it has nothing to do with your loyalties to me, then I'm all for it."  
"You drive a hard bargain lady." JJ grumbled.

After their talk they decided on Dirty Dancing, My Best Friend's wedding which is one of their other favourites was a little too close to home at that point. They weren't even half way through the movie when each of them had fallen asleep. Penelope woke up to go to the bathroom and was covering her friend's with blankets to make sure they wouldn't get cold throughout the night when she noticed that her phone was vibrating in her bag. Worriedly she hurried to get it, only to find that it was Derek. She contemplated on not answering, but saw that he had been called a few times.

"Hello," Penelope answered with a whisper.  
"P," Derek said somewhat desperately glad that she had picked up.  
"Are you okay?" she asked wondering if there had been an emergency.  
"P, I screwed up. Can we talk?"  
"Derek it's late and I have the girls sleeping over."  
"Please P,"  
"You're not being fair. You can't just demand to talk because you're ready."  
"Please…" Penelope sighed,  
"So talk,"  
"Not on the phone. Come on down. I'm at your front steps." Penelope looked out her kitchen window and there he sat on the front steps of her apartment complex. She wondered how long he had been sitting there.  
"Give me a few minutes." She said hanging up. Penelope went to her bedroom and grabbed a jumper from her drawer.

"How long have you been here?" Penelope asked as she sat down beside him.  
"A little while, an hour or so. Maybe more."  
"Why?" she asked.  
"I wanted to apologise. I just didn't want to go to bed not talking. I'm sorry P."  
"For what it's worth, I know you are, and maybe even to some extent I understand it. Not to say it didn't hurt, but I think my brain can process it."  
"I just, well ever since you and I became friends, we've had this amazing connection and we just work without thought and our lives are so intertwined that all the relationships you and I have had, they've always taken second place, which was fine and it clearly wasn't meant to be, but Danielle,"  
"Could possibly be…" she said completing his sentence. He nodded,  
"And all of our previous relationships have always been threatened by our place in each other's lives." Penelope continued.  
"I know it sounds awful, but I just didn't want her,"  
"To feel threatened when there's nothing to feel threatened about." Derek nodded. Penelope covered his hand with hers.  
"My brain gets it. You're just going to need to give my heart some time to catch up okay? For future reference, you could have just talked to me about this, I would have understood, but you doing it the way you did just made me feel like I no longer had a place in your life, that you were ashamed of what we had."  
"Oh P, I really am sorry. I just panicked."  
"It had to happen some time right. We couldn't exactly go on being each other's favourite toy forever. At some point, we have to grow up and make our own decisions about our lives. Make choices, regardless how hard they may be."  
"P, I don't want to lose you over this?"  
"You're the one who felt you had to make a choice, I'm just trying not to make this harder than it already is. I love you Derek, you and I have been through so much together that I don't think it is possible to stop loving you even if I wanted to. Our lives will always coincide, but this seasons brings on a new chapter. You've already started it. For now, I think it's best if we just continue on with the theme you've started, minimal contact, and you never know maybe somewhere down the line we can be the type of friends we once were." Derek knew what she was giving up, and he wasn't sure if he was ready for her to let him go because he knew the moment she did, he may never get her back.  
"P,"  
"It's okay," she said rising to her feet determined to go before the tears started. Before she lost the battle of pretense and show him just how hurt she was. Derek stood up and pulled her into his arms.  
"I love you P. No matter what, if you ever need me, I'm here. All it takes is a phone call." Penelope nodded not at all convinced by his words,  
"I promise you." He said taking her square by the shoulders looking right into her eyes,  
"Whatever changes may come our way, whoever comes into our lives, all it takes is a phone call and I'm there." Penelope nodded a little more convincingly than the previous time before planting a kiss on his cheek leaving him on her front step.

As she closed the door behind her she allowed the tears to run down her cheeks. It felt like the walls of her heart were closing in on her as she stood there. It was like something or someone died in her life. Just as she was about to head to her room Rita had come out of the bathroom. Seeing the tears in her eyes, she pulled her into the room and into her arms.

"Hey, it's okay. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but it won't hurt so much forever." Rita soothed. She had noticed that Pen wasn't in the apartment and when she grabbed a drink from the sink she spotted them on the front steps.  
"I know. It had to be done you know, without all the resentment, at least this way, it's almost mutual. How do I go on as though we're just some random colleagues when all we've ever been are Morgan and Garcia."  
"You'll learn, and we will all be right there with you." Rita promised pulling her new friend into another hug.

Penelope had given the girls a brief run down, though they suspected it affected her more than she projected, they were glad that she and Derek had at least talked. Come Monday morning the tension was not as palpable as the rest of the boys feared it would be. Though there was a distinct different in conduct between Morgan and Garcia, there was no underlying tension or resentment, which left a bitter sweet taste in all their mouths.


	2. Who am I?

Hotch did however noticed how much time Penelope didn't spend in the bullpen, and at lunch she would either be with the girls or the other Unit. She spent more and more time being loaned out to them, which Hotch was guessing was no accident. She had never really denied the other teams of her time, but lately, she had been pulling a lot of over time, and most of those over time was to the other BAU Unit. He couldn't really begrudge her of that time, seeing as it was hers to give, but a part of him worried that she would succumb to their wanting her to cross over to their side, regardless of her loyalties to them.

Penelope loved spending time with Chris and Rita. Chris and Rita had become the limited few who got a window to Penelope without the reservations. Something she seldom revealed to anyone but Em, JJ, and at one stage Derek. One evening while the team was in Palm Beach Penelope had remembered the story about Chris' little sister. She found herself going through a few searches and found the case file. It was sadder to read it on the file than to hear it, if even it were possible. Penelope discovered that body was never found. Despite her better judgement she began to cross reference the data from the case as well as missing persons found.

"Hey Garcia, we're done. We broke the case, we're just finishing up and heading home."  
"That's great. I'll see you guys when you get back." She replied distractedly.  
"Penelope are you okay?" Hotch asked.  
"Yes sir, thank you." She replied hanging up going back to what she was in the middle of.

That evening she was still in her office when the team arrived. Just as Em and JJ headed for Penelope's bunker Hotch had stopped them and asked to see her first. Curiously they watched him head for Penelope's office.

"Penelope…" he said worriedly from the doorway as she sat there with files spread out on her desk, tears streaming from her eyes. Penelope looked up and wiped her tears,  
"Sir, you're back."  
"What's wrong?" he asked.  
"Can you please close the door behind you?" Hotch obliged and closed the door behind him and took the seat next to Penelope. Not knowing where to start Penelope took a deep breath.  
"A few weeks ago Chris told me about his sister." Hotch knew that Chris and Penelope had gotten close in the last few months, and they had an amazing rapport, so he wasn't completely surprised that Chris had shared that part of his life, even though he knew that with the exception of himself it was only Rita who knew about what happened all those years ago.  
"You guys were at Palm Beach and while I was doing searches for the case, I thought I'd take a look at Chris' little sister's case, and I know I shouldn't have, but he just loved her so much that I thought maybe I could find something that I don't know could close this case for him. I didn't realize that the story got worse. I didn't realize that he lost his parents only a couple of weeks later at a car accident and that he had to live with his grandmother."  
"He's had a tough life, but Grandma Rose was great. She truly loved him Penelope. With the exception of his parents, Grandma Rose couldn't love him more."  
"I'm glad. Sir, did you know that they never found his sister's body?"  
"I did Penelope."  
"Sir, a few weeks later a little girl was found in California, she had no recollection of where she came from, the hospital confirmed that she must've suffered severe blows to the head, and though they had healed she had marks all over her body. They did tests on her and found that she wasn't raped but definitely beaten, they weren't sure how she got to LA, because she couldn't remember. They ran her pictures through and no one ever reported her missing, sir she didn't die." Hotch gasped,  
"The little girl was placed in a foster home, sir here's her file." Hotch opened the file and understood why she was so upset.  
"Have you spoken to Chris?"  
"Sir, with all due respect I haven't had much a chance to breathe let along run over to the adjoining building to share these news. I don't want to talk to him about this unless I am absolutely sure"  
"I can understand that. What do you need me to do?"  
"I was hoping for a couple of days off, to run this in my head. To run DNA samples just to be sure."  
"Of course, anything else."  
"How do I tell him Hotch?"  
"You'll find a way, if you need me to, I can be there."  
"I may have to take you up on that. Do you mind if I slip out of here? Can you cover for me with the girls? I'm not really in the mood to rehash this, I mean, I knew you were the only other person aside from Rita and myself that knew about Chris' little sister."  
"Why don't you get your gear together now and I'll walk you out the back way, and let them know you've gone home early."  
"Okay, thanks." Penelope gathered her belongings together, as well as the files she needed and headed out with Hotch undetected.  
"You call if you need anything, and keep me updated with what you find."  
"I will. Thanks Hotch."

Penelope managed to get out of Quantico without being intercepted. When Hotch came back from Penelope's office JJ and Em stood up to head to her office.  
"She's gone for the day. She had an errand to run. She said she'll check in with you girls later on tonight." Derek looked up at Hotch worriedly, all of them were acutely aware that there was more to it than what Hotch was saying.  
"Just give her a couple of days, everything will come out eventually. It's nothing bad. Really. She's fine. She just needs to sort out a few things and she'll be back." The girls looked at Derek accusingly,  
"Ladies, this has nothing to do with Derek." Hotch said sensing that they were about to blame Derek.  
"It really doesn't." He said assuring them. The girls nodded in acknowledgement and dropped it. They knew that Pen would check in later that night.

"Mags, what are you doing here so late?" Chris asked as she knocked on his office door at midnight.  
"I dropped by your place and you weren't home so I took a guess that you would still be here." She began distinctly nervous,  
"What's up?" he said worriedly.  
"I don't know where to start. When I started this, I didn't know what I was going to find, and I know I shouldn't have, but I thought maybe I could help somehow, and then it was like opening Pandora's Box, I'm so sorry."  
"Mags, sweetheart. Calm down. Whatever it it's okay." Chris said standing up walking over to her and draping an arm around her leading her to the couch in his office.  
"I just wanted to help, I didn't expect any of this…"  
"What is it honey?" Penelope thrust the files in his hands as she stood up and began to pace. Confused Chris opened the file and his heart stopped as he realized what file she had given him,  
"I can't believe this," he muttered looking up at her,  
"There's more…" she said pointing to the other pile.  
"Oh my God."  
"That's what I said." She replied stoically as she leaned herself against his desk.  
"How?"  
"I don't know."  
"So it's true?"  
"It seems that way. I made them do the test over and over again, and its true" She answered. Chris looked up at her with tears in his own eyes to match hers and crossed the distance between them taking her into his arms engulfing into a huge hug.  
"Thank you."


	3. New Beginnings

Penelope and Chris spent the rest of the evening going through the details of what she found out. As hard to believe as it was, the facts were staring at them straight in the face. Early the next morning she had allowed him to drive her home, it had been a long but productive night.

"Hey Hotch, I told him." Penelope greeted without a hello.  
"Give me a second, let me just go into my office," he said as he left the briefing room. Morgan, Rossi, Em, Reid and JJ looked at him suspiciously as he closed the door behind him.  
"How's he doing?"  
"As good as can be expected."  
"And you?"  
"Still in shock. We're going to take a flight to Palm Beach at noon, just to go through a few things and whatever else."  
"Are you both ready for that?"  
"Honestly Hotch, I think the quicker we process the better."  
"This is huge Penelope."  
"Tell me something I don't know Aaron." Hotch almost smiled that she actually called him by his first name.  
"How do you want me to handle things here? They're all looking at me suspiciously, and I think the girls think whatever is going on with you has something to do with Derek and they're ready to declare mutiny." Penelope couldn't help but laugh.  
"Derek is the furthest thing on my mind right now."  
"You know you have nothing to worry about right? This doesn't change anything."  
"You know as well as I do that it does Hotch, but I appreciate the point you're trying to get across. We'll probably be in Palm Beach for a few days, so I won't be in. Chris is telling Rita now so the chances are she'd be coming with us, which I am relieved about. He'll need support, and I don't know how comforting I would be to him seeing as I started this whole thing."  
"It's not your fault Penelope."  
"I know that, it just sucks that it brings back the worst moments of his life."  
"Why don't you talk to the girls, get them to come with you. At least one of them."  
"It's okay Hotch. I need to do this on my own, and it's not really my laundry to air. Rita already knows, and I feel like I would be betraying Chris' confidence if I tell anyone until he's ready to come public with the information."  
"That's hardly fair on you Penelope.:  
"I'm good Hotch, besides, I have you." Hotch smiled,  
"That you do. You call me any time of day okay. If you need me, I can fly down to Palm Beach too."  
"I appreciate that Boss Man, for now just hold the fort for me."  
"I will do. You take care."  
"I will. I promise."

Hotch took a moment to gather himself together, he knew entering the briefing room he would be bombarded with worried looks and questions. He took a deep breath before entering,

"Before you guys start, Penelope is fine. She needs the rest of the week of to sort out some personal stuff, family stuff and she'll be back. She wants to assure you all that she is fine and that she will call you girls to check in." Hotch said looking pointedly at Em and JJ.  
"She really okay Hotch?" Derek asked.  
"She will be. She just needs to sort out a few things, and when she's done you will all know soon enough. For now, please respect her wishes and give her the space she needs to deal with this." Five reluctant nods answered him.

Rita sat between Chris and Penelope who were both lost in their own thoughts on the plane. Rita covered Pen's hand in hers and gave it a squeeze. Penelope turned her gaze from the window to Rita and smiled appreciatively. She was glad that Rita had come, she and Chris had been is shock since she'd told him.

The first place they went was the hospital for the records and speak to the person who nursed little Matea Rose Lorenzo back to health, who luckily still worked there. As they walked into the nurses station the lady who was clearly in her late forties, gasped at the sight of Penelope. It had been almost been twenty five years since she had last seen the little battered girl, but it was a face she could never forget. Tears brimmed her eyes as she opened her arms out to Penelope who without hesitating stepped into them. He knew that her reaction was similar to his when he had first me Penelope. He felt Rita's hand on his shoulder as he dropped his gaze. There was no question about it, the file was accurate. Penelope Margaret Garcia was his sister.

The nurse had explained that due to damage to Penelope's cerebral they knew that she may never get her memory back. They had all known the extent of her injuries after reading the file. After running her photos through missing persons, and not finding a hit, they placed her in a foster home. Her foster parents adored her from the first moment they laid eyes on her, with four boys and no girls, they were smitten with the shy precocious little girl that she was. She was eventually adopted and lived with the Garcia's till she went to CalTech. Shortly after she turned eighteen her parents died in a car crash. She and her brothers had gone their separate ways not having had the best of relationships with them.

"I had always wondered about the little blonde girl with piercing blue eyes with pigtails. I had always hoped and prayed that the rest of your life would be a happy one. Tell me, has it been?"  
"For the most part yes." She answered. She looked up at Chris with tears in her eyes and flew straight into his arms.  
"This is real?"  
"Yeah Monkey, it is." He answered happily.  
"What did you call me?" she asked pulling back to look at his face,  
"I've always called you Monkey."  
"When I was little I used to have these dreams that I was running around in the woods and someone was always with me, and they were calling me Monkey, now it makes sense. It's always been you." She explained. Chris dropped his lips to her forehead and hugged her tightly. Rita was wiping her eyes along with the nurse beside her doing exactly the same thing.

Margaret, the nurse, whom her foster parents had named her after came to lunch with them so that Penelope could catch her up on the last twenty five years. Chris also filled in a lot of the blanks for them. For the next couple of days that's what they did, fill in the blanks in each others lives, as though they needed to know everything right then and there. Chris had taken her to their parents and grand mother's grave. It was strange but if felt like she was mourning their loss all over again despite the fact that she couldn't remember them. While they were in Palm Beach Chris and Rita introduced them to their old Captain Harry Lipschitz and his wife Fran who were like parents to both he and Rita during their time at Palm Beach PD.

Penelope was quiet on the flight back to Washington, lost in her thoughts about how to even begin to broach the subject of the latest development, she knew that the girls were worried, as she assumed the rest of them would be too. On the scale of things, it was no big deal, in another, it completely was. She was still wrapping her head around it all. When Rita had gone to the bathroom Chris moved to her seat beside Penelope and took her hand in his. Penelope looked at him smiled,

"My mind's just catching up with the latest events."  
"It is rather overwhelming."  
"I'm happy. I couldn't have possibly asked for a better ending, its just taking some time to get used to it." She assured him.  
"It's okay Monkey, you take your time. I'm not going anywhere." Penelope placed her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

When they got off the plane Penelope grinned when she saw Aaron Hotchner standing there with his arms folded to his chest. She could see right through his tough exterior. She gave him a quick wave as his eyes fell on the three of them emerging from the doors. Aaron smiled and gave a small wave back. Penelope looked non less for wear despite the enormity of what she had just been through. Penelope hugged him without reservation,

"I'm fine Hotch." She assured him. Hotch chuckled as he released her to greet Chris and Rita.  
"Thanks for coming to get us Hotch." Chris said knowing that his friend was concerned for both of them.  
"So where to?" Aaron asked. It was Sunday morning and they had another day before having to face everyone at work with the changes, and decide what was going to be done.  
"Brunch?" Pen suggested, while Chris and Rita nodded in agreement.  
"I might call the girls to meet us there. You know do it in waves instead of in one hit tomorrow. The less faces who are looking at me for answers tomorrow, the better." Aaron gave her a knowing look.

"Pen, we've missed you." Em and JJ greeted happily half an hour later as they came in through the Diner doors. Pen stood to her feet and walked into her friend's embrace.  
"You okay?" Em whispered in her ear. Penelope nodded.  
"Come, sit down, order and I'll fill in the blanks."

For the next hour Chris and Penelope simultaneously told them the whole story, while they sat there completely dumbfounded.

"That explains a lot though. The chemistry, the similarities, the undeniable kinship." Em pointed out.  
"Do you remember anything Pen?" JJ asked.  
"No, not really. I mean growing up I used to have these dreams, and I thought they were random, there was always a voice, never a face, after talking to Chris about the content, I realize it was him in my dreams."  
"Wow, how spun out are you both?" Em asked still working it in her head.  
"Pretty spun out, but relieved somehow. The Garcia parents were great, but it was as though I never really felt like I belonged in that family. I mean my so called adopted brothers were less than stellar, but it was like something in me just never felt a part of them, and it now only makes sense." Chris draped an arm around her shoulders and brought his lips to her temple before rising to his feet. They watched as he headed for the bathroom.  
"How's he taking it?" Aaron asked looking at Rita.  
"He's thrilled, he loved Pen before this, and now it is beyond measure,"  
"I think he feels bad that I was never found before now."  
"That's only natural."

When Chris returned he had a rocky road banana split in his hand. Penelope looked at him confused.  
"Trust me." He said as he sat down. As Penelope took a hesitant bite she grinned at him.  
"Vaguely familiar, and comforting."  
"It should be, every time you skinned your knees or had a bad day you made me make it for you."  
"You truly are the best big brother in the world aren't you?" Penelope stated with an evident adoration for him shining in her eyes. Aaron, Rita, Em and JJ shared a knowing glance, everything was going to be okay.

Though it took some getting used to Penelope and Chris carried on as though they had never been separated. Most of the team knew, the only one that hadn't heard was Derek who was on leave with his girlfriend when she returned and since then they had been busy with case after case that it never came up again. Everyone had gotten used to the new arrangement between Derek and Penelope, though it still made them sad, they knew that Penelope was at peace with it and that's all that mattered. Derek noticed that Penelope spent most of her time with Chris, with the exception of the girls including Rita, Chris was her go to person.

"Hey Chris," Em answered her direct line.  
"Hey Em, listen it's Mattie's real birthday this weekend. I know that she saw it on her file, but what do you think her take would be on celebrating it?"  
"She's never really been a big birthday fan, she loves throwing birthday extravaganza's for everyone else but never for herself, you know her."  
"You think she'll be okay if we throw her one?"  
"As long as it's not too many people she should be okay. Think dinner party, not frat party"  
"Should I be offended that you think I am the type of guy who would throw my little sister a frat party?" Em laughed,  
"I was using that as example goof ball."  
"Whatever Prentiss. Can I trust you and JJ with the guest list. You would know who she would want there."  
"Yep, we got that covered. You need anything else?"  
"For now that's it. I'd love to have you guys on stand by though."  
"You got it. I'll let JJ know."  
"Thanks Em."

Em hung up the phone with a smile on her face, she loved that Chris had been taking such good care of Penelope, that he loved her as much as she adored him. She knew that Penelope's thing was that no one ever loved her as much as she loved them, and Chris continued to challenge that out of her, which Em adored him even more for. After Derek's disappointing performance she wasn't sure if her friend could ever recover, but she was, slowly and surely. Though from time to time she would catch Penelope with a far away look on her face and she knew exactly where her friend went. Each time she wanted to hit the back of Derek's head, just for the heck of it. Em headed to JJ's office and closed the door behind her. Derek, who had been listening to her end of the conversation watched her curiously. Without a doubt they would have been talking Penelope, as her birthday was coming up. Usually he and Penelope would do something just them on her birthday, just as he did for his, but he knew the chances of that was slim to none at their present predicament. He questioned if even an invite would come his way.

"CHRIS-TO-PHER!!!!"  
"Wow how nothing changes in twenty five years." He teased as she threw a pillow in his direction. He was in her office waiting for her as she asked him not to make a big deal about her birthday, her real one, seeing as it was the first one she was going to celebrate legitimally in twenty five years.  
"Dinner, just you and me."  
"You promise. You won't make a big deal about it."  
"The least a big brother can do is take her little sister out for dinner on the eve of her birthday. Oh hey, what's this?" he asked picking up an envelope on the couch.  
"I was hoping to talk to you about that." Penelope said gesturing for him to open the envelope. Chris opened the manilla envelope and pulled out the papers in question,  
"Really?" he asked happily as she nodded  
"Mattie, you don't have to do this."  
"I know, but I want to. I love the Garcia's for what they did for me, which is why I'd keep it in there as a part of my name, but I'm a Lorenzo. You're a Lorenzo, and I want the same last name as my brother. Besides, I want to do it for Mom and Dad. To live the rest of my life as a Lorenzo."  
"Mattie, when you get married you won't be a Lorenzo anymore."  
"Pfft, like that's going to happen this century," she said self deprecatingly causing Chris to frown.  
"Hey, don't talk like that. There's someone out there worthy of my little sister, he'll have to go through some hoops, but if I think he's good enough, I'll let him date you." Penelope rolled her eyes. She loved the coloured glasses he saw her through.  
"Did you just roll your eyes at me little girl?" he asked with a teasing glint in his eye, before Penelope knew it he had leapt from the couch to her and began to tickle her mercilessly.  
"CHRISTOPHER!!!" she squealed between laughter.  
"Okay, I give. Uncle." She finally said as they both collapsed on her couch.  
"So what do you think?"  
"You know I love the idea."  
"What do you think of Penelope Matea Garcia Lorenzo? Do you think Grandma Rose will be mad? Margaret?"  
"No Kiddo, after everything Grandma Rose would just be happy that we're together. You may need to name your first daughter after her though to make up for it. As for Margaret, she'd understand. Penelope Matea Garcia Lorenzo, it has a nice ring to it."  
"Done."

Derek had heard it throughout he grapevine and couldn't believe his ears. Immediately he ran to her office.

"So it's true?" he demanded as he pointed to the diamond ring on her right finger.  
"It depends on what conclusion you've come up with Morgan." Realizing what he had heard and what he would assume. She hadn't had the opportunity to tell him, and she refused to go out of her way just to keep him informed.  
"You got married to Lorenzo?"  
"Ah no. Christopher Lorenzo is my long lost brother. It's a long story but it's all legit. Trust me, Hotch was there every step of the way. I wanted to change my name back to Lorenzo, which is why it's changed. This ring was my Mother's engagement ring and Chris gave it to me to hold on to because he knew that Mom would want me to have it."  
"When did all this come about."  
"A good few weeks ago."  
"When you took time off."  
"That would be correct. Now tell me something,"  
"What?"  
"If I did marry Chris, if he wasn't my brother, eww gross. Why would it matter? You and I haven't exactly been friends for about six months now, why would anything life altering in my life matter to you?"  
"You'll always matter P." Before she could reply they were interrupted,  
"MONKEY, are you ready yet?" Chris bellowed.  
"You're obnoxious you know that Bai?" she replied chuckling as she rose from her chair.  
"Hey Morgan, good to see you." He greeted.  
"Mattie, Rita's car broke down so we have to go pick her up."  
"Penelope Matea Garcia Lorenzo," Penelope said in explanation as he nodded in understanding trying to take it all in.  
"Come on Chris, let's go. Morgan let yourself out." She said without a backward glance as she gave Chris a playful shove out the door.

Derek stayed in her office long after he heard the lift door close. As he glanced around her office, he realized it had been months since he had been there. Lot's had changed. New photos were stuck on her Memo board mostly of her with the girls, a few with Chris, there was even a photo of their team with the exception of him at the bar. He knew behind those pictures there were the pictures they had together. There was family photo of a really young Penelope taken on her 5th birthday with her parents and Chris, their last family photo. Chris had it framed and gave it to her that morning for her birthday, one for her office, and another for her apartment. Derek saw the bunch of flowers and balloons in the corner that said Happy Birthday. He realized that today was her real birthday and that's what the Surprise Party that night was for. He had been invited, but he and Danielle already had plans. Which if he were honest with himself, he was glad. The more he realized how little he knew about her life, the worse he felt, and he would rather live in denial than face just what kind of a friend he turned out to be to her.

After their family dinner, which Penelope insisted Rita join them for, they drove Rita home who announced that she had baked Penelope a cake. Which Chris found amusing as Rita didn't know how to cook to save her life.

"SURPRISE!!!" they yelled. Penelope jumped a mile. She turned to Christopher and whacked him in the arm.  
"What I took you out to dinner just us, as promised." He defended. Their whole team, minus one walked over to her to greet her with a hug. Chris flicked the switch to turn the music on and dropped a kiss to her temple.  
"Happy Birthday Monkey."  
"Thanks! Thank you everyone. My gosh this is incredible," she said in awe as she looked around the room. There was a section themed for every milestone of her birthday. Her seventh birthday had a Princess theme, her thirteenth had a pop star theme, her sixteenth had fashion and make up, her twenty first was a bottle of champagne and glasses sitting on a table covered in black velvet and rose petals.  
"I figure, we missed out on celebration your mini milestones together, so why not celebrate it all in one go."  
"Aww, thanks Chris. I love it. Enough to forgive you for the surprise!" she said kissing his cheek.  
"Thanks you guys,"  
"This was all Chris and Rita, we just put the finishing touches in." JJ replied. Penelope gave Rita another hug before walking around the room to take it all in.

Penelope was looking at the Collage of recent photos in the corner. It was to represent that year. Her thirtieth. Photos from the last six months, and as she stared, Emily knew what she was looking for,

"We didn't invite him. It was an executive decision on my part." Penelope turned to her friend with a sad smile and kissed her cheek,  
"Thank you for the lie. It does make it hurt less." With that she turned to join Aaron on the couch.  
"Thanks so much for all your support these last few months Hotch, especially after everything."  
"What are friends for Penelope Lorenzo." He replied pulling something out of his pocket handing it to her. Penelope gasped.  
"I'm an SSA now too?"  
"After all your hard work, it seemed only fitting. Did you have a closer look at your credentials?" Penelope opened her badge again and threw her arms around him excitedly, as she saw her new name on her badge.  
"Thanks Hotch."  
"So I noticed you got a visitor this afternoon. Don't look so surprised, I keep telling you that you may be the Goddess all knowing but I am the all seeing." Penelope laughed,  
"Yeah, he heard I changed my name and went for the obvious assumption."  
"Ahh, did you take a picture of his face when you told him the real reason?"  
"I only gave him the cliff notes version. He didn't really ask for an elaboration."  
"Penelope, you know it won't be like this between you forever don't you?"  
"I can't see it ever being the same again. It's my birthday and he's not even here, and don't even try it, Em already did." Hotch smiled and patted her on the knee.

An hour later while she was just about to have cake and open presents there was a knock on the door. Rita got up to answer the door and tried to hide her surprise when Derek stood at her door.

"Sorry I'm late, I followed the rule of thumb of surprise parties, be early or late. Sorry I couldn't be here for the initial surprise. Hope someone caught it on film." The look of shock in all of their faces was not lost on him.  
"Glad you made it, can I get you a drink Morgan?" Chris asked.  
"No I'm good."  
"You made it just in time for cake. Have a seat." Penelope pointed to the seat beside Hotch upon recovering. They watched as she blew out her candles and opened her gifts. Derek had never seen her so content and happy before. When everyone had disbursed she and Derek were left in Rita's living room.

"Gee they're subtle." Penelope murmured in amusement  
"That they are. Happy Birthday P."  
"Thanks. Thanks for coming. It means a lot that you're here."  
"Couldn't miss you birthday. I haven't missed it in five years. I'm not going to start now. I meant what I said before I'll always be here for you."  
"That's good to know. Where's Danielle?"  
"She's at clients soiree, I was there for a couple of hours and I'll pick her up when she's done. She says Happy Birthday by the way."  
"Tell her I said thanks."  
"Before I forget, Happy Birthday P." Derek pulled something out of his pocket and handed it to her. Penelope took the small box from his hand,  
"Open it." He prompted,  
"Derek, this is to much." She gasped as she pulled out a white gold necklace with a small intricate tulip, which was Penelope's favourite flower. Derek took the necklace and put it on her.  
"Thanks," she said giving him a hug for the first time in months. Derek's arms tightened around her as he buried his face on her shoulder.  
"I miss you P."  
"Me too." She replied swallowing the lump on her throat.

"What's the deal with those two?" Chris asked Hotch as they stood by the window watching them from afar.  
"They love each other,"  
"But…"  
"They don't realize what kind of love it is, so he has a girlfriend and she's taken a huge step back."  
"Yeah because I remember when those two were inseparable and now they barely acknowledge each other's presence when they're in the same room."  
"Love is blind and people can be too."  
"She's scared."  
"So is he. Penelope is the only person who can look right through him and that scares him. As for her, he was the most consistent person in her life till you came along. She has friends, but there's only a few of us whom she's really open to, and even then she picks and chooses what she says. How much has she told you about her adopted brothers?"  
"Enough for me to want to track them down and hurt them." Chris answered angrily,  
"Yeah well they did wonders for her sense of worth. She questions her value all the time and the reason why she will never tell him how she feels is because she doesn't think he could ever love anyone as she perceives herself to be." Chris remembered her comment about marriage and it made him angrier.  
"Does he really love her?" Chris asked,  
"Look at him. It tears him up not being around her. He's like a lost soul, a shell of a person without her and he doesn't even notice because he's so busy holding on to what he gave her up for. He has to justify it daily to himself, so he tries harder and harder to make it work. Danielle is a great girl but the moment he realized he blew it with your sister, he realized just how much she meant to him, and as great as Danielle may be, he's not Penelope."

"Come on, let's get you some cake. There's someone I want to introduce you to." Penelope led him to where Chris and Hotch stood and raised an eyebrow at them both as if to let them know that she knew that they were assessing them a few minutes before.  
"Derek, I'd like to introduce you to my brother. Chris Lorenzo, Chris, this is Derek." Derek smiled as Chris shook his hand.  
"Hey Monkey, I think Rita's looking for you."  
"Is she now?" she asked suspiciously unsure if it was safe to leave Derek in her new found over protective brother's hands. Chris grinned at her innocently as she walked towards the kitchen throwing him a warning look and Hotch a 'Keep him at a leash' pleading look.  
"How are you doing Derek?" Chris asked politely.

"Hey Reet, did you need me for something?"  
"Ugh no, why?"  
"I knew it." Penelope said chuckling amused,  
"What? Why?"  
"I was with Derek and I introduced him to Chris as my brother, and the moment we get there he tells me you needed to see me, but moments before we came over, he and Hotch were watching Derek and I talking."  
"Ahh, well your brother has been deprived of twenty five years of protecting you, so he may be trying to do his part now."  
"Ree, he can't use twenty fives on one night." Penelope protested.  
"Would you like me to go and rescue Derek, though let it be said that I think he deserves to sweat a little and I would only be helping him as a birthday present to you." Penelope laughed,  
"No you stay right here, I suspect you'll put your two cents in before you haul him out, so you stay right here with me."  
"I thought so!"

After ten minutes when Derek seemed visibly relaxed so Penelope let them be, she knew with Hotch there she didn't have much to worry about. Penelope, Rita and Em were discussing the possible conversation between the three most significant males in Penelope's life, while JJ, Rossi and Reid were engaged in a game of gin in the corner. When the little huddle between the three men had broken, Penelope was at his side within moments to make sure there was no permanent damage done.

"Hey, how much damage did they do?" Derek grinned,  
"No more than I would do for Des or Sarah. He's a great guy P. I'm glad you found him. You want to fill in the blanks?" Penelope nodded,  
"Twenty five years ago, while on a camping trip for my fifth birthday I convinced my big brother, in the middle of the night to leave camp in search of ice cream. He knew we shouldn't have but apparently I gave him the pout and head tilt that he couldn't say no."  
"Who could?" Derek slipped in with a teasing smile.  
"We went through the woods and they managed to take me and knock Chris out. About a week after I was taken they found my blood soiled pyjamas by the lake, with the amount of blood on my clothes, they presumed me dead. They searched the lake and found my shoes and made the assumption that I had been taken by the tide. Search was called off. A week after that, our parents died in a car crash leaving Chris with our Grandma Rose. That same week that they died, I was found in LA, bruised from head to toe, no recollection. They posted my photos for awhile but no one claimed me. I got placed into a Foster home, the Garcia's who adopted me not long after."  
"That explains your so called brothers."  
"It does doesn't it? So anyways, while you guys were at Palm Beach I dug through his files thinking that maybe we can find the people who did this so that Chris could go on with his life and stop blaming himself. Imagine my surprise when I realized what I did."  
"Wow P."  
"Tell me about it."  
"I wish I was there for you."  
"It's okay. As soon as I found out I told Hotch. He's been awesome, and the girls have been their supportive selves. It's okay. It really is. Chris is great and it's been such a blessing getting this opportunity to be together again and get to know each other. He fills in a lot of blanks for me, sometimes I get little flickers and it's like I remember, but nothing official as yet."  
"He loves you a whole lot." Derek observed.  
"Yeah he does, through all this and whatever uncertainty there may be, I am certain that there is one person in the world that loves me just because I'm me, and that's him."  
"You know there's more than one right?"  
"I do." She replied with a small smile as she looked over at her friends gathered around Rita's dining room table engaged in a healthy competition of Gin. Derek's heart tightened, realizing that she no longer saw him as one of those people in her life, and he couldn't quite blame her for coming to that conclusion, after all he had abandoned her. Just as she had to come to expect in her life.


	4. Decisions

_**Thank you guys so much for your awesome and faithful reviews. You have no idea how you encourage me soooo much. I do apologise for the randomness of my posts of late but they've just changed my nights shifts at work to day shifts and I am still in the midst of exams and assignments. Grrr, I can't wait till this semester is over. Hope you're all well! xx**_

When Derek got back to his apartment after dropping Danielle home telling her that he had an early morning the next day, he went straight to his hall closet and pulled out a box. It had been months since he had gathered all of his Penelope things in one box. It was shortly after he and Danielle got together, he didn't want to have to explain the dynamics in case she came over and saw how his apartment was Penelope clad in every corner. Photos, CD's, blankets, hooded jumper, some of her clothes for the impromtu times that she would end up staying over after a movie night. He recalled the first and last time she had been at his apartment after he had taken down all of their photos together as well as put her things away out of sight. There was a hurt look on her face that he still couldn't erase from his mind. Everything had quickly gone down hill from there. He knew that he handled it all wrong, and there was no taking it back now.

"I've made the bed in the spare room for you Pen if you want to stay," Rita offered as they cleaned up.  
"Or we can take you home, it's up to you." Em offered assuming that Chris was staying the night.  
"If it's okay Ree, I might head home. It's been a huge day and I just want to crash."  
"Of course. We'll see you tomorrow for lunch."  
"Sounds good. Thank you guys so much for tonight. It was amazing."  
"You're welcome Monkey." Chris said giving her a hug.  
"I love you kiddo."  
"I love you too Bai."

"I love your brother." Em said as soon as they got in the car as Pen and JJ laughed knowing she meant it from an extended little sister point of view.  
"Yeah, he'd be the first to tell you how lovable he is."  
"So he and Rita, how long have they been together?"  
"They've been married for a couple of years before they came to Quantico. Best friends for a few years before that and were only together a month before they got married."  
"What???" JJ and Em shrieked while Penelope laughed.  
"I thought you guys are the profilers, how have you not noticed that they have a matching ring on their middle finger, on the left hand side."  
"Oh my gosh! I take it Strauss knows?"  
"Strauss, Hotch and I are the only ones at the Bureau who know, and now you guys. Rita said if you guys asked I can tell you, but it doesn't leave the vault."  
"Wow…that explains a lot." Em said more to herself than to them. Penelope laughed.  
"They're awesome. I watched them while we were in Palm Beach. They're completely partners in everything. It made me so happy for him, not to mention a little envious."  
"They are so sweet."  
"What brought them to Quantico?"

"They were in the middle of this major bust and Chris was almost killed, an offer came through from Quantico and they thought why not. BAU is different from what they were doing, which was part of the charm for them both after so many years of Crimes of Passion cases."

"Mattie, it's Rita." Chris had resumed to calling her by his childhood nickname for her, and Rita had jumped on the wagon, as did Em and JJ from time to time.  
"Hey Ree, what's wrong?" she asked worriedly. Chris and their team were out on a case in New York, and had left almost a week before,  
"It's Chris, he was shot Mattie. He's in surgery now." Penelope dropped the cup in her hand. Emily, Derek and Reid looked up from their desk.  
"Oh my God, which hospital are you at. I'll be right there."  
"St Joseph's Memorial,"  
"Okay, I'm on my way. Hang in there. Love you Ree."  
"I love you too Kid. See you soon."  
"P, what happened?" Derek asked worriedly as they all rushed to her side.  
"I have to go, I have to go to New York, Chris was shot. I have to be there."

"Come on, we'll grab your things and head to the airport. Em can you let Hotch know." Derek said taking control of the situation. Em nodded in surprise catching a glimpse of the Derek they once knew. Derek grabbed Penelope's Go Bag in the corner as she shut down her computer in utter shock. Hotch walked into her office a few minutes later. Penelope looked up at him as tears brimming from her eyes. Aaron opened his arms out to her as she fell in them sobbing.

"I can't lost him Hotch, not now. Not after everything. I need him Hotch."  
"I know Pen, you won't lose him. He'll be okay. This is Lorenzo we're talking about. You're brother is as stubborn as they come and he has too much to live for. Not to mention Rita will kick his ass if he doesn't come out of this."  
"I have to go to him,"

"JJ's booking your flight as we speak, one of us will be going with you."  
"I'll go." Derek said without hesitation as Hotch nodded guessing as much. Lately, he had been seeing the efforts that Derek was making to make amends.  
"Run on up and let JJ know. We'll meet you at the bullpen." Penelope looked up at Hotch in surprise,  
"If you would prefer one of the girls to go with you, I can insist upon it."  
"No, I'm just surprised. Thank you though." She said assuring him.

Hotch, Em, and JJ drove Penelope and Morgan to the airport in semi silence. They were all worried. Hotch had called the hospital to get a more detailed update on Chris and it didn't sound good. It was enough for him to want to go with them, but he knew it would only panic Penelope more. Derek watched as Penelope stared out of the window lost in her thoughts. He knew that she was praying fervently for Chris. Derek placed his hand over hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Penelope looked back at him and smiled appreciatively. The fact that he dropped everything to jump on a plane to hold her hand wasn't lost on her. She appreciated the sentiment and the fact that it was his initial reaction to just be there for her, without a thought to anything or anyone else. For a moment, she could pretend that they hadn't spent the last year as though they weren't friends.

"PEN!" Rita cried as she engulfed Penelope into her arms.  
"Hey Ree, any news?"  
"He's out of surgery and they're taking him to the ICU, they're going to come and get us once he's set up. The surgery went well but he's not out of the woods."  
"My brother's stubborn Reet, you know that better than anyone, he would never leave you or me for that matter. We've all been through too much for him to just leave now. The surgery went well, one step at a time. He'll be okay, I just know it."  
"I'm so glad you're here Mattie. He'll be happy to see you."  
"I wouldn't be anywhere else, brother or not. I would be here."

Derek who had left them resurfaced with cups of coffees for the girls. They both looked up in surprise as though they had forgotten he was there.

"Thanks Morgan."  
"Reet, I might just go to the bathroom and give Hotch a quick call." Rita nodded as Pen stood to her feet and slowly made her way to the bathroom.  
"Thanks for being here for her, whether she will tell you or not, you being here is a reassurance that what you had was real, that you guys are friends."  
"I'm really sorry, what you said at the bar that night was spot on. I don't know if I could ever express to her just how sorry I am for what I did. How much I regret that I handled it the way that I did. I don't know if she'll ever know just how much she means to me."  
"Give her time, you know as well as I do that Pen is one of the most forgiving people in the planet, you just need to stick around till she comes around. It won't be easy, but you and I both know she's worth it."  
"That she is."  
"Derek, can I be frank?"  
"Uh sure, it's not like it would be the first time right?" Rita chuckled,  
"I guess not. Are you in love with Pen?" Derek swallowed hard,  
"I love her more than I have ever loved anyone outside my family before, in love, I guess that too."  
"Don't guess. Be honest, because if you're not there's nothing wrong with that. As long as you know what it is you feel and are honest about it, you guys can make this work. If you love her, and all you want to be is friends, then you tell her, set new boundaries, because what you guys were doing before was just setting each other up to hurt the other. You're setting expectations where there shouldn't be, hope where there shouldn't be. She loves you, and just like you she hasn't been brave enough to assess what kind of love that is, because the moment you define it, whichever way you define it, things are going to have to change. I guess what I am asking you is be the one to define it, for both your sakes. Not because you want her back in your life, but because you both need to know once and for all." Derek took in what she said and nodded.  
"Thank you. I promise you I will."

Pen and Rita sat holding Chris' hand as he slept. Derek had excused himself to grab them dinner. He offered to go to their hotel room to pick up a few things for Chris. When Rita went to the bathroom Penelope was left alone with her brother.

"Bai, you have to wake up. I need you. Rita needs you. We both need you to get better. I love you Big Brother. I can't lose you now, I just found you. I need you to make sense of what's going on in my world. Chris, I need you to tell me what to do. I'm so confused." Penelope said as she sobbed into the hand she held in his. Derek stood a t the door his heart crumbling at the sight of her falling into pieces. All he wanted to do was gather her in his arms, but Rita was right. He had no right to do that if he can't be honest with himself exactly what it is he feels for her. Instead he slipped out of the room to gather his thoughts at the waiting room.


	5. Are you ready?

Rita found Penelope asleep with her head on the bed as she clutched Chris' hand close to her face. She walked over to the other side and took his hand in hers as she placed her lips on his forehead.

"I love you Sam." She murmured absently running her hand through his hair, leaning her forehead against his cheek. Chris stirred,  
"Sam," he whispered. Rita lifted her head to make sure that her tiredness wasn't playing tricks on her.  
"Oh hey you, how many times do I have to tell you that you need to stop doing this to me?" She scolded.  
"I'm sorry Sweetheart." He replied with a grin.  
"Well someone's going to be extremely happy you're awake."  
"Mattie?" he asked worriedly.  
"Yeah, you scared her. You scared all of us." Rita pointed to Penelope sitting on the other side of him holding tightly to his hand. Chris squeezed Penelope's hand waking her from her slumber. Disoriented Penelope looked up at Rita confused, then realised that someone was squeezing her hand.  
"You're awake!" she exclaimed relieved.  
"I want to hug you but I don't want to hurt you." Penelope said with tears in her eyes.  
"Come here Squirt. I can take it." He said opening his arms out to her as she carefully hugged him.  
"I thought I was going to lose you again." She whispered in his ear.  
"No way. You're stuck with me."  
"Good, you make sure you keep it that way."  
"I'm okay Mattie, I swear." He said trying to reassure her.  
"Glad to hear it, Rita and I weren't quite sure how we were going to kick your ass if you actually died on us." Penelope joked as the three of them laughed.  
"I'll leave you guys to catch up for a bit. I'm going to call Hotch and give him an update before he jumps on the next plane from worrying."  
"Say hello for me."  
"I will do."

"She okay?" Chris asked as Penelope closed the door behind her.  
"Yeah, she's frightened to lose you. She just found you and she's not willing to let you go that easily."  
"You both have nothing to worry about. I'm fine and I'm here to stay. For a long long time."

"He's awake." Penelope said relieved as Hotch answered the phone.  
"That's great news. Everything okay?"  
"Yeah, the Doctor's on his way to do a once over but he's being Christopher Lorenzo if that gives you an indication of his well being."  
"I told you your brother was as stubborn as a mule."  
"That he is. I just wanted to let you know. Pass it on to the girls and let them know I'll call them as soon as I can. I really should call Derek and see where he is."  
"How's that going?"  
"I don't really have the appropriate words to convey the answer to that right now." She answered twirling her hair with her finger absently.  
"Fair enough. Keep me posted. On everything."  
"I will." She promised with a smile.

Penelope found Derek in the waiting room obviously lost in his thoughts. She placed a hand on his arm, startled he looked up at her as she sat down beside him.

"He's awake. He's being a smart ass so I would say he'd out of the woods."  
"That's great P. I'm so glad."  
"Thanks. Listen Derek," she began taking a deep breath hoping courage would take over,  
"Thank you for being here. I really appreciate it."  
"There was no where else I would rather be. I promised you P, if you ever needed me I would be there. I know I screwed up majorly this past year, and I wish apologies were enough but I know it isn't."  
"It's okay. Things couldn't stay the same anyway. You and I both know that."  
"P, I've been thinking, and you and I need to talk. Like really talk. About everything, about what's ahead, an honest conversation once and for all."  
"Okay," she answered uncertainly,  
"No P, I'm serious. No more hiding behind our friendship, our patented flirting, no more. I want to know how you feel about me, like how you really feel about me and I want you to know how I feel about you."  
"That sounds very adult."  
"You know it's necessary."  
"I do."  
"So when?" he asked.  
"Your idea, you name the time and place."  
"Tonight, after we convince Rita to eat and Chris settles in for the night. You and I are going for a walk."  
"Okay, I guess it's about that time." She said with a soft sigh, afraid of what's ahead. Was she truly ready to be honest about how she felt, and was she ready to hear what he truly felt for her?


	6. Talking you through it

Penelope shifted uncomfortably in her seat as she sat with Chris in his hospital room. Derek had insisted on getting some food into Rita before she pulled an all nighter in the hospital room with Chris. Reluctantly Penelope agreed that she and Derek would stay at their hotel room and return early the next morning. Chris watched his sister for awhile, he had woken up a good ten minutes before and he had been watching her since.

"Mattie honey, what's up?" Chris asked finally. Startled Penelope looked up at her brother and smiled.  
"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked standing up taking his hand in hers.  
"Better thank you. Now tell me what plays on your mind." Penelope bit her lower lip before telling him about what she and Derek had agreed upon earlier that afternoon.  
"So don't you want to know once and for all? Won't that finally release you both? Either way kiddo you'll know, if he doesn't feel that way then at least you know how to place yourself in his life."  
"I guess."  
"Are you scared that he won't feel the same way, or you're scared that he does?"  
"Both?" she admitted softly. Their upcoming discussion forced her to face the truth of her feelings. She had denied it for so long that she had convinced herself that they didn't exist. Yes he consumed her, but she wasn't in love with him. Or so she justified to herself, hence it had hurt so much when he dropped out of her life so easily, as though she didn't matter at all.  
"Chris, if he had consumed me for so long as my friend, how much more is it going to consume me if I am admittedly in love with him? That scares me."  
"Hiding from it doesn't make it go away Pen. If anything it makes things harder. What makes you think he doesn't love you as much as you love him?"  
"He has a girlfriend and he dropped out of my life." She answered.  
"Not his finest moment, but could it be he is just as scared as you are?"  
"Of what? He has nothing to lose, while I have everything to lose and already have."  
"I know honey, but you need to tell him that. You also need to listen to what he has to say. You may just be surprised. I know it's a huge risk, but you're tougher than you think Mattie. If it turns out that you're not on the same page, isn't it better to know and go from there? Instead of doing this dance forever?"  
"Not everyone gets the same ending you and Rita do Chris? Not everyone's that lucky. You love her and she loves you, there was never any doubt about it."  
"Are you doubting Derek loves you?"  
"Yes, No, I don't know. I know he cares about me. Love me, that too I guess."  
"But,"  
"I wasn't important enough for him to keep me in his life."  
"Listen Kiddo, no one would like to kick his ass more than I do for doing that, but after everything you have been through, does he maybe deserve a chance to plead his case? Rita and I were lucky, it's always been just the two of us that there was no reason to doubt where we stood in each other's life, but I almost left Rita and move to Boston with Jillian when she got the job promotion."  
"What?" Penelope exclaimed. She had heard bits and pieces about Jillian DuPree but not that part.  
"It made sense. I loved Jillian, and I could be a cop anywhere as she put it. The only thing keeping me at Palm Beach was Rita. Eventually I decided that the now was better than what could be, and I preferred to live in the now with Rita than go to Boston with Jillian."  
"Wasn't that a hint for you?" Penelope joked.  
"Yeah, but after Jillian left I was sort of an ass. I was moody, and I bit her head off every chance I got, as though I blamed her for the decision I made, so she did was Rita does. Kick me in the ass. She told me to go to Boston and work out once and for all what I wanted because she didn't want me around if all I was going to be was be a bear. That I needed to stand by my decision, and that I needed to go to Boston to figure out what it is I wanted because it wasn't fair to her that I blamed her for the decision I made."  
"That sounds like Rita"  
"I went to Boston, and the moment I got there, I knew my initial decision was the right one. On the way back I got a call from Cap to say that Rita was involved in a car bombing and that she was hurt. I have never been as scared as I was at that moment, obviously with the exception of twenty something years ago, but that goes without saying. I got to the scene and all I could do was pull her into my arms and I never wanted to let go. I made her come home with me that night, so I could look after her, and that's when I told her."  
"And everything worked out from there right?"  
"Not exactly. the next morning we both wigged and tried to convince each other that we had both made a mistake and we can move on from it. So after a couple of days of denial, we both finally gave in. Thanks for Michael Price who made a point of being obnoxious just so we could admit to it once and for all, but not without hurting each other in those couple of days."  
"Chris is being a generous. I wigged. He was ready to take the next step, but I completely freaked out." Rita said as she entered without Derek.  
"He's parking the car." Rita answered the unspoken question as Penelope nodded with relief.  
"I freaked because as much as I wanted it to be true, I couldn't help but be scared that it may not work out and I lose him. Chris was the closest thing I had to family and I would rather have lived in denial to keep him than risk it all and lose him at the end of it. But P, it's worth the risk. I promise." Chris grinned as Rita took his free hand in hers.

Penelope appreciated what they had shared, and it did help, but she and Derek were different. A part of her refused to believe there was a happy ending for her and Derek. In the last few hours she realised just how much he had hurt her when he walked away, and she wasn't ready to trust him just yet.

Chris knew that despite all that he and Rita had told her Penelope battled with her feelings. Derek had blown her trust which she didn't part with easily. Sure she loved wholeheartedly and without measure, but the people in which she trusted were a few. Chris knew that Derek had a battle ahead of him and hoped that he was up for the challenge.

"Hey P, you ready to go?" Derek asked as he stood awkwardly at the door. Penelope looked at Chris before looking up at Derek. Chris saw the fear in her eyes,  
"Yup, I'll be right there." Penelope turned back to Chris and leaned down to give him a hug.  
"You'll be okay. I promise. No matter what, you're not alone. We'll be right here." He whispered in her ear as she nodded. Rita walked over to her and pulled her into her arms.  
"Be honest, despite what you may think you have nothing to lose. Either way, being honest will release you both."

Derek watched from where he stood. It looked like Penelope had the weight of the world on her shoulders and his heart ached. He wasn't sure what their talk was to bring before them, but Rita was right, it was time that they were honest with each other, despite what it might cost them.


	7. The Talk

_**Hi guys, sorry it's taken me so long to do my updates. I've been lacking in inspiration of late. The lack of connection between our favourite couple on screen this season isn't doing much for me either…that and I've been off sick with the flu too. Soooo, I hope you like this chapter. Please let me know what you think, or if you have any suggestions on how Derek can break down the Pen's walls =) Anyways, hope you're all well!**_

Chris and Rita were hopeful as Derek led her out. They had a chance for happiness if they would both just allow themselves to feel how they truly feel for the other, without the fear, without the reservation. Sure there were obstacles to overcome, technically Derek was still with Girlfriend, and though they knew he loved Penelope, they hoped he realised just what kind of love that was instead of hiding behind Danielle. Penelope was going to be a hard sell, and she was not going to make it easy for him.

It was a quiet drive back to the hotel, both lost in their own thoughts, weighing the costs of possibilities that may be ahead for them. Derek parked the car and looked at Penelope with a nervous smile,

"You ready P?"  
"As ready as we'll ever be I guess." She replied stepping out of the car. They walked in silence for a while, it wasn't till they reached the park that Derek began.  
"I know the last year doesn't bode well for our friendship, that I broke every spoken or unspoken promise. That I bailed on you and our friendship. I know by my doing that you doubt your importance my life, and I'm sorry Pen. I'm sorry that I hurt you, and I'm sorry that I made you feel as though you no longer had a part in my life." Derek took a deep breath,  
"If you remember, just before I met Danielle you and I reached a crossroad. It was right after Battle and I told you that I loved you." Penelope nodded in acknowledgement. She remembered the moment well, they were in her apartment after she was released from the hospital,

"Hey Silly Girl, you know that I love you right?" Penelope's heart skipped a fair few beats as she tried to compose herself after his words, she managed a shaky  
"I love you too," in response. For a moment she considered that he meant it in that same way she had longed for him to mean it, but as quickly as the moment came, it passed. She had hoped the days following would give her more of an indication of the depth of that declaration, and it was promising as they were going to Chicago together, but in the last minute she had been called to work and she didn't want him to cancel his plans with his family on her account, so she insisted he go on without her. On the very flight she was supposed to be on, on the very seat she was supposed to be sitting in, sat Danielle. It seemed fate was mocking her. His determination to put some boundaries and distance between them only strengthened her resolve that they truly weren't meant to be anything more, and as more time passed, the more she questioned if they even had a friendship.

"Getting on that plane I was so confused. I knew that I loved you, and I knew that there was no one else in the world that I loved as much as I loved you with the exception of my family, and I was determined to use the days apart to reconcile those feelings, to put it into action the moment I returned. Then I met Danielle, and she was such a breath of fresh air, she was so far from our BAU world, and so separate from the world that haunted us. I knew she liked me from the moment she spoke, and there was no grey areas, it was simple, and I was and am attracted to her. I convinced myself that it was easier to pursue a relationship with her because it meant that the risks were lower. I didn't want to risk losing you, and that it I forced myself into thinking that having you as a friend was better than losing you if things hadn't worked out. Though the moment I saw your face when I told you about Danielle, and saw the hurt in your eyes despite how hard you tried to conceal it, I knew that there was no turning back. I had to own it. I had to sleep on the bed that I had made. So I made a point of establishing boundaries, at first I thought it would help, but it only separated us further apart, the moment I saw your reaction I knew you felt the same way, and I am sorry Pen"  
"So instead of telling me how you felt you grabbed the next best thing? I would never have pegged you as a coward Derek. Instead of fighting for a possibility of us regardless the cost you went for the nearest and easiest thing. How do you think that makes me feel Derek?"  
"I never said you'd like my explanation Pen." He said softly.  
"What is the point of this conversation?" she asked, knowing full well that he and Danielle were still together.  
"Let's say you still love me, and I still love you. So what? You're in a relationship and it doesn't change anything. If you weren't willing to fight for the possibility of us when we were at our strongest, what would possess you to bring all this up now when we're barely friends?" She said tiredly sitting down on the nearest park bench. Derek crouched down in front of her taking her hands in his,  
"Because I don't want to live in a lie anymore. I hate that you went through something huge and I wasn't there. That I wasn't a part of the last year, how I've missed out on so much, that I wasn't there for you when you would have needed your so called best friend the most."  
"It's okay Derek, maybe it was time we realised that some things aren't meant to be forever."  
"No P, it's not okay. I don't want it to be that way."  
"We can't force something that isn't there anymore Derek, despite how much we may want it to be because we miss it" she protested  
"Look me in the eye and tell me it isn't there anymore and I will do as you ask. If you tell me to walk away and never look back, I will, if that's what you really want, but you look at me in the eye and tell me you don't feel anything for me anymore."  
"That's not fair, you know I can't."  
"I love you P, and I know there's so many other issues that need to be addressed, but I want you to know, right here, right now, regardless your answer, I love you."  
"Loving each other was never the problem Derek,"  
"P, I want to be with you. If you turned around now and told me that you don't want me, I'd still end it with Danielle."  
"Why would you do that?" she said incredulously,  
"Because staying with her would be a lie. As much as I care about her, it wouldn't be fair on her to keep going this way. She deserves better than that." Penelope released her hands from his grasp,  
"I don't know what you want me to say Derek. You loved me but you didn't want to fight for us so you went for the next best thing. I've spent the last year trying to unlearn what's become habitual between us, I've tried so hard to stop loving you,"  
"Has it worked?" he asked gently, scared that she may actually say yes,  
"No and that's not the point."  
"If we love each other Pen, we can make this work."  
"You don't get to say that when you bolted before we had a chance to figure that out Derek."  
"I know, and I'm sorry. I'm begging you for a chance Pen, it doesn't have to be now, tomorrow, next week. I don't care how long it takes, as long as I know you're not going to make it your mission to deny it just because you don't want to get hurt."  
"I think that's as good of a reason as any don't you?" answered meeting his gaze. Derek cupped her face with his palm,  
"I can't say that a time will come that I don't hurt you, it'll happen, but I love you Pen. Heart and Soul I love you and I will spend the rest of my life trying to prove that all I want is to be with you for the rest of our lives. All I'm asking is that you don't shut me out, let me love you. Let me prove to you how much I want this. Please Pen."  
"I hear you. I truly do, and despite my common sense my heart wants to believe you and does. You just need to give me some time. We can't go from barely friends to being in love. As much as my romantic heart would like to believe that hearing you say you love me absolves everything, it doesn't. I'm sorry."  
"Its okay Baby Girl, you take your time. I'm not going any where."

Derek headed back to Washington the following day while Penelope stayed with Chris and Rita. Chris was due to be released in a couple of days, and Penelope released Derek to do what he needed to do without her being there. She had promised to not close herself off to the possibility of them, and give them a chance. Derek got on the plane with a heavy heart knowing that he still needed to talk to Danielle, and either way it was going to hurt. Sensing this Penelope had called him the moment he landed,

"You don't need to do this Derek. I know you don't want to hurt her."  
"Whether it hurts now or later on, it's going to hurt P. I love you. I want to be with you, that's never going to change. You gotta believe me on that."  
"I do. I just…"  
"I know P, and I appreciate it. Can I call you later?"  
"You never need to ask Handsome."  
"Thanks P. Talk to you later."

Penelope had given Chris and Rita a brief run down of their talk, and though they were advocates for both parties being honest with how they truly felt, they understood and supported Pen's decision to take it slow, and be as guarded as she was.

Penelope was packing up the hotel room when Derek had called after talking to Danielle.  
"Hey Baby," she answered softly. Derek closed his eyes letting the tone of her voice soothe him. It was a difficult, but necessary conversation he had with Danielle.  
"Hey Baby Girl"  
"You okay?" she asked knowing the answer,  
"I will be. It needed to be done."  
"I'm sorry hon."  
"Me too. I miss you."  
"We'll be home tomorrow. I'm just packing up the hotel room now. Rita's coming back in a few hours after Chris falls asleep and we head home sometime mid morning."  
"How are you guys travelling back?"  
"Hotch organised for a Bureau SUV to be at our disposal and Rita and I are taking turns driving back."

When Penelope went to sleep that night, it wasn't a surprise that her thoughts had been filled with Derek, as they have regularly been since they first met but more so the last couple of days. She wished it were as simple as just saying she loved him too, but it wasn't. Her defence mechanism had activated itself and her walls were up. Once they were up even she had trouble taking them down.

_**As much as I wanted them to be together, I just didn't think it would be that easy to recover from a lost year…but I am working on that happy ending. I promise Savin' Grace.**_


	8. Baby Steps

The drive back to Quantico was eerily quiet. With Chris asleep for the most of it, and Rita knowing that Penelope was processing in her mind there was very little conversation going on for the first couple of hours. It wasn't until their last pit stop that Rita broke into Penelope's little reverie.

"You okay Monkey?" she asked. Penelope took her eyes from the road for a moment and smiled at Rita. She and Chris were the only ones who got away with calling her monkey and it always made her feel like she was eight years old.  
"Yeah, I'm okay."  
"So what goes on up there?" Rita asked.  
"You truly are my brother's wife." Penelope said dryly with a smile.  
"We know this, so?"  
"He broke up with Danielle last night."  
"Isn't that a necessary thing?"  
"Yes, but why do I feel so bad about it?"  
"Because at the end of the day she got hurt, but that isn't your fault Tia,"  
"It's just so complicated." Penelope moaned in frustration,  
"But do you want to be with him?"  
"Yes,"  
"Then complicated or not, you're in it. For what it's worth he loves you and would do anything for you. I don't condone his stupidity this last year, but I know all he wants is to be with you at any capacity."  
"I know, and I kind of feel a tad pressured there."  
"Because you actually have to decide what you want seeing as he's already told you what he wants and that he's all in."  
"Yes, and that frightens me knowing what he gave up for me."  
"Penelope!" Rita admonished  
"I can't help it. What if he regrets his choice Ree?"  
"Not possible, I swear it on my life."  
"So my brother's wife!" Penelope mumbled with an eye roll.

They were back in Virginia earlier than they anticipated, which Penelope was grateful for knowing that Derek would be waiting for them at the Lorenzo's door step had he known exactly what time they were arriving and she wasn't quite ready for him just yet. Aaron slipped out of the office so that he could meet them at Chris and Rita's to help Chris into the house and settle in. Once Chris was safely in bed and Rita was fed and relaxing, Penelope and Hotch cleaned up from lunch. In the last year, somehow he had become one of her confidants and vice versa. She cherished their friendship and respected his input in her life.

"We're going to take it EXTREMELY slowly." She assured him,  
"Good. You be sure you take it on your pace. Don't feel pressured P. This is a good thing, and the last thing you need is to feel overwhelmed about expectations of you. He's happy to take this as slow as you want to. "  
"I know that deep down. I process a little slower with him at the moment."  
"You're still building trust, that's only natural Pen." Aaron said draping an arm around her shoulder.  
"Thanks Hotch, for everything."

After leaving a note for the sleeping Lorenzo's Penelope agreed for Hotch to drive her home instead of taking the SUV with her. As she waved at Hotch pulling out, she took out her phone and flipped it open,

"Hey Handsome,"  
"Hey Baby Girl. You guys arrive okay?"  
"Yeah we did. It went faster than we thought it would. I just got home. Chris and Rita were passed out when I left them so I'm just going to do laundry and chill for a bit. How's things in the office?" she asked.  
"Quiet. We're all counting down the hours. Em suggested the bar tonight if you're up for it."  
"Sounds good to me, I can meet you guys there."  
"I can come and get you, saves you from driving."  
"You sure?"  
"I insist."  
"Well then if you insist how can I argue with that?"  
"You can't. So I'll see you in a few hours. I'll give you a call when I'm on my way. The chances are the girls would want to go home and freshen up first anyway."  
"I will see you soon."  
"Looking forward to it P,"

Em didn't miss the grin on Derek's face when he hung up. She had heard his end of the conversation and from what she could deduce and the update she got from Penelope the night before, she knew that they were making some progress, more Derek was making progress with breaking down the barriers her friend had built around her as a result of his behaviour the last year.

"We're on tonight?" she asked with a grin,  
"We sure are." He answered rolling his eyes before turning back to his files.

Everyone agreed to meet at seven at Gallagher's that evening. After leaving at four that afternoon he went home to take a shower and get ready. It was five by the time he knocked on her door somewhat nervously. Penelope smiled as she saw him through her peep hole. Though he was always impeccably dressed, she saw that he took a little extra effort.

"My my you are handsome." She said as she opened the door with a smile.  
"And you are as always Beautiful Baby Girl." He said. It was a rare occasion that she was in well fitted jeans, and a deep brown turtleneck sweater. Her hair was out and her curls flowed freely, tucked behind her ears. He noticed the very little make up she had on. To him she had never looked as beautiful as she did then. It was like the first time she had allowed him to see her and who she was, without hiding behind her Garcia persona.  
"Wow P." Penelope laughed nervously feeling slightly exposed. Sensing this Derek stepped forward and drew her into a hug.  
"Thank you." He said whispering in her ear as she nodded.  
"You okay?" she asked softly. Derek pulled back, though not releasing her from his embrace. He caressed her face with his hand and let it rest holding her face in his hand,  
"I'm good Baby. It was hard, and I feel bad because I ended up hurting her, but this right here, is where I am meant to be. This is where I want to be, and this is where I belong. I know we're going to take this slow P, but I love you, and I have no regrets from here on out."  
"I'm glad." She answered as she leaned her forehead against his letting out a relieved sigh.

With a couple of hours in till they had to meet the others he and Penelope drove to Gallagher's and parked the car. Instead of going in, Derek had taken her hand they went for walk on the park near by. Hand in hand they lapped the park in semi silence, simply enjoying each other's company. There was a light breeze, but it was in no way cold. Derek led them to the park bench by the pond and sat them. Side by side they watched the children that were tossing bread to the ducks in the water. Derek caught the look of longing in Penelope's eyes and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. Penelope turned to meet his gaze and smile and understood what he was trying to say. His eyes spoke of the promises he held in his heart, and for a moment she let her walls down and allowed herself to believe in them.

"Hey you two, where have you been? We pulled up and saw your car and thought you'd be in here already." Em greeted as her friends entered.  
"We went for a walk down the park. We got here awhile ago. Where is everyone else?"  
"Jayje has gone to get us some drinks, and the boys have yet to appear. How's Chris?"  
"Obnoxious, which is a tell tale sign that he is indeed on his way to recovery. He sends his love and so does Rita. She said if you guys are free tomorrow lunch at their place tomorrow."

"Sounds great. I'm there. I'm sure Jayje is too."  
"Good, the boss man and I are food shopping in the morning, Derek and Dave will be in charge of manning the barbecue,"  
"Em and I can do desserts." JJ piped in as she approached the table hearing the tail end of their conversation.  
"I was hoping you'd say that, Rita and I will do the salads and we're all set."

The rest of their team arrived shortly after. Penelope had given Reid the task of gathering board games to play for the following afternoon. It was a chilled evening with friends, and it had been awhile since they had all been together. For the last year, there was always either Penelope or Derek missing from their gatherings. They were more than pleased to see that Derek and Penelope were indeed making headway in repairing their friendship.

That evening Derek dropped Penelope off at her doorstep and with kiss on her forehead he bid her goodnight. Penelope hugged him goodnight and entered her apartment. Derek waited till he heard her turn all the locks before making his way back down to his car. Penelope smiled to herself as she made her way to her bedroom.

"Baby steps," she murmured hopefully.


	9. Time heals

"Hey P, you almost done for the day?" Penelope looked up from her screen and saw Derek leaning against her doorway.  
"Almost, are you okay to wait a few minutes?" she asked as she finished up.  
"Of course." He answered walking in dropping a kiss on her head before sinking down to the couch in her office pulling out a novel out of his back pack.

It had become a new routine for them, car pooling. It was a way for them to spend time with each other without the pressure and after the initial weirdness, everything fell into place. Though Penelope was still guarded, she had kept her promise and was open to the possibilities. Penelope found that their car pooling encouraged talking, without hiding behind the flirting and banter, though that was still a big part of their exchange, they had crossed a level. Those who observed could see that something had shifted and whatever it was, it ran deeper than it had before.

"What did you want to do for dinner?" Derek asked, it was almost habitual that they would end up having dinner together at the end of each day as they car pooled.  
"Chris and Rita's which you're invited to. Rita just called, apparently my dear brother is driving her insane. He's been cooped up in that apartment for almost three months and he's climbing the walls."  
"He does remember that she carries a gun right?" Derek said in amusement.  
"He's banking on the fact that she loves him and would never shoot him because of it."  
"Ahh, he's hopeful."  
"That's for sure."

For the last three months since Chris had come home from the hospital, and they had agreed to take it one day at a time, Derek had become a regular in the Lorenzo home, as Penelope spent most of her time there. Derek enjoyed watching her interaction with Chris and Rita. He knew that despite the fact that she thought of their whole team as a family, having Chris and Rita grounded her. It made her feel like there was someone she belonged to. She found a whole knew confidence in her identity and seeing her blossom not only in the year that they had spent apart but the last few months made him grateful that he was around.

"So things are looking promising." Rita observed as Chris and Derek argued over the Basketball plays on TV. Penelope glanced at Derek and smiled. He had been incredibly patient and respectful of the boundaries she set knowing that she was scared. Little by little her walls were crumbling and those closest to her knew it was only a matter of time.  
"Yeah it is." Penelope murmured not offering any more details.

Hand in hand they walked back to her apartment. He waited till she had opened the door before kissing her on the cheek and bidding her goodnight. Just as he was about to step out of her doorway she caught his hand in hers,

"Yeah Baby Girl," he said looking back at her. Without a word Penelope brought her lips to his, surprised Derek took a moment to catch up. She felt him smiling against her lips and blushed as she pulled back  
"Goodnight Handsome." Derek ran his fingers through her hair.  
"Goodnight Princess."

They had a long way to go, but they were certainly on their way to a full recovery. Derek was hopeful, as was Penelope. They knew that they loved each other, and it was a decision to make it enough. Their friends, and their family watched in anticipation, and after a few more months, they did not disappoint. Shortly after Derek had proposed to an excited Penelope and months later they were married, before God and their loved ones.


End file.
